I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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