I love black thongs
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
