she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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