oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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