i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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