Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
