you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
