i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
