You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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