finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
