I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
