Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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