I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
