my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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