im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
