This is not my ceiling
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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