Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go