the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.