Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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