brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point