brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
