this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that