I will die if light touches me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize