I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
