Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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