how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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