is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
