I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
