Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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