It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
