at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
