just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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