Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
