I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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