Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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