i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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