she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
