I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
