I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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