she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
