Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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