Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
