I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
