You made me cry and you don't even care
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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