New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
