The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
