I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
