so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
