she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
