I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
