I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
