She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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