this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
last night I used snow as a chaser
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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