my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
