She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We have started to decorate penises.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
