eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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