I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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