the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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