so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
