A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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