K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
