Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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