im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
