you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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