You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
