this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
