He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
