I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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