On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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