Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
