can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
